this troubles me

as someone who is about to be married, it is this kind of perception and behavior that gets me bugged..

She seemed a bit reserved, maybe, almost shy, but as more than one church member put it, the place of a preacher's wife is "in the background."

In fact, said church elder Wilburn Gene Ashe, right up to the very day of the killing, "if you had asked me to name the most ideal couples in the congregation, Matthew and Mary would have been one of them, right up there at the top."

No signs of trouble at all?

i'm not too troubled by the murder in this blurb. this story has been all over our news here in tennessee (not sure why la is picking it up now). i'm bothered by this mentality of the submissive woman within the bonds of marriage and how it is still promoted through the church, the church of christ in this case. ugh!

Comments

[Mark Youngman]

Dang it! Jenny skipped the class on Appropriate Behavior for the Pastor's Wife" in seminary. I told her she should take it, but her schedule was filled up with courses like "How to Hide Your Gifts for Ministry".

[jeffrey]

yeah, that is quite troubling indeed. ugh.

LMAO at Mark's comment.

[Mary Beth]

Is it really that surprising? Having moved back to the south, I'm more surprised by the number of "egalitarian" relationships than by the relationships of couples who insist that the woman must be submissive. But maybe it's me who's behind the times.

[gavin]

you might be right marybeth, from my productive years in the north, i'm not down with the submissive wife marriage junk. i suppose it doesn't help me when none of the people i hang out with are like that either.. although, i can remember when i first got to the new neighborhood and an older gentleman came up to erin & myself when we were walking our dogs to introduce himself.. he totally bypassed erin except when i introduced her and only talked to me, which was funny, cause i wasn't in the mood to talk to him. made for an interesting conversation.. can you guess what church down the street from us he goes too? coc... ding ding!

mark, send jenny back to miss manners class. she totally needs and probably wouldn't be a bad thing as your new place might be more old school than... wait, you just came from manchester.. nevermind

[Andy B.]

I am a pastor, and my wife and I were just having a conversation about this the other day. Erin said something like, Do you wish I was more like a pastor's wife? And I said, Um .. you ARE a pastor's wife, no? Her point of course was that she is not a submissive, passive homemaker but an independent person with ideas, passions, and a LIFE of her own. Which is, of course, why I love her!

[gavin]

i love my erin for the much the same reasons andy. plus, i don't know if she is capable of being submissive, passive homemaker.. actually, that thought gives me a chuckle.. &:~D

[Wayne]

Granted, I'm coming into this late(r) in life. But I cringe at the whole "submissive" line of thought.

Charlene made a point at our introduction to the PPR that if they expected the stereotypical pastor's wife then they could just dream on because it wouldn't happen in this lifetime.

I was VERY proud of her!

[Art]

I'm sending a link to this post to my wife. She alluded to this type of thing on her blog concerning her recent realization that she might one day (maybe, possibly) be a pastor's wife. She doesn't think she could be 'submissive' enough. Good!

[Mary Beth]

I think, and others of you can correct me if I'm wrong, that congregations are often quite prepared to adopt a wait-and-see attitude about a new pastor. They try not to have any preconceieved notions about what to expect, and are generally content to go with the flow.

But they have already pigeonholed the pastor's spouse. If the pastor is a woman (as in my case) then they've already signed the husband up for UMM, Trustees, etc. If the pastor is a man, then of course his wife will be in UMW and, well, whatever else it is that pastor's wives are supposed to do.

Very interesting.

[gavin]

i think you are right mb, there is a wait and see for the pastor, but the spouse is many times already spoken for. i knew my pastor, his wife and family, before they came to the church here & we both started around the same time. i remember him speaking about how people wanted to include her into the choir (which she's not a singer) and the umw, or their sunday school class. he would just tell them, don't worry about her, she knows what she's gifted to do and will find her way. which she has, she has.

sometimes it's hard to figure out if it's sterotypes or just people being friendly, or a blend of both that lead one down that path.

art/wayne, may you continue to have wonderful unsterotypical old-school mentality pastor's wives. i might be there one day too, or would erin be there? both? whatever

[Wayne]

My wife, I think I'll keep her ;)